Tuesday, January 27, 2009

listless


I discovered a disturbing thing about myself a few days ago, something I'm none too proud of but feel, for the sake of my own clearness of conscience, I should share...

I have... a list.

In the recesses of my thinking, on a nearly daily basis, I add to this perpetually growing, unwritten list of wants. Some of them are ridiculous and superficial in nature, some of them seem quite reasonable and valid but the thing is, my needs are met, I am not in want for ANYTHING. It bothers me that in light of the impending change in lifestyle we may soon experience, that I would so often allow myself to accumulate desired objects in my thoughts. Desired. Not needed.

There's the Sonicare toothbrush that is sure to keep the pearly whites pearlin'. Reasonable, nothing wrong with owning one, but I covet this piece of dental equipment. I yearn for the day I can add one to my array of bathroom accessories. This will not do.

And then there's the purse. I have always had the desire for a "real" purse, expensive and fashionable and made of some suspiciously soft animal hide with large buckles and pockets. The kind all the other women notice. Something like this.


Taking time to find gratitude for my sweet little Volcom bag.


And the list really just goes on. I have this back and forth battle of fighting these wants of earthly pleasures and remembering how very many people could be helped by the generosity that could be exchanged for one very cute handbag or pair of shoes. I know, it seems simple and ridiculous, "just don't want that stuff anymor", but somewhere buried deep down is a diva fighting as I bury her alive, pebble after pebble at a time, with a deeper desire to serve the poor and destitute and hurting of this world. I don't condemn or judge those with these things, I may even have them myself some day, but I will NEVER exchange my ability to give to others for my own vanity.

THAT is wh
y I needed to write this post. To profess a truth buried deeper in my soul than that designer diva, the truth "that...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." "As a result, [I will] not live the rest of [my] earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God." So I write this for me, to remind me to "sell [my] possessions and give to the poor. [To] provide purses for [myself] that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys" that I might always consider the needs; physical, emotional and spiritual, of my fellow man in all that I say and do.

It really can start with a purse.

1 things you had to say:

Joel said...

i like this post. i especially appreciate what you said about acquiring purses that won't wear out. i JUST read that yesterday, and it was just as hard for me to hear. i've been thinking about sellin some stuff, too, particularly my Super Nintendo and even my myriad Simpsons DVD sets, to replace them with spiritual books that'll inspire me. then i read this Scripture, and i was even more convicted, because i realized i wanted to sell my possessions to acquire different, albeit maybe better in some ways, but nevertheless MORE possessions again for myself. as a sinner, i can be a fascinating specimen.

you're doing great, though. i'm inspired.

love you all!!