Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
From the Mind of J-Momma at 3:12 PM
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
I try not to be Debbie Downer, to think positively of myself and my life and my efforts for them both the best they can be. I am queen of good intentions, a stream of well wishes and benevolence flow forth in the creative spaces of my heart, my mind, but the follow through is some how always lacking. Do I blame myself, do I lay blame on the sinful quality of my very nature? An example.
Last night I was walking with some girlfriends in Sundance Square and a woman approached us. In her face you could see the difficulty of her years, the strife and pain and infliction, but she didn't hold back her smile. It was 30 degrees, she was wearing all the clothes she could find because she wasn't sure if she would be able to sleep indoors. She told us that in two days she would be moving into a Habitat for Humanity house, but for tonight unless she could find $13 she would be sleeping in the cold. Now I know our negative, unbelieving selfish nature tells us, "she's lying, she probably just wants money for drugs or booze." But what if she wasn't. What if my $5 would mean she could sleep in the warmth? Shouldn't we give out of our abundance more for the sake of that possibility than the latter?
Giving her my money wasn't the issue for me, it was that I want to be the person who does more. I realized on my way home all the things I should have done so that she would know that a person in the world cares, loves her even. I thought of how I should have made eye contact more, I should have hugged her, I should have put my hands on her and prayed for her. Instead I gave her money, congratulated her on her upcoming home and went on my way.
It's just not enough.
I want to be a stronger, more faithful person.
I want my discipleship to be seen through my abundant love.
With actions and in truth.
What I want to do, I do not do.
Baby steps, Jen. Baby steps.
From the Mind of J-Momma at 12:59 PM
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Asher and Daddy, my handsome boys at the hotel.
Asher and I decided to accompany Corey on his interview with the Penn State program in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I had never seen the north east before and wanted a little taste before we make any decisions on where our home might be for the next 5 years. Being that the program is in Hershey, I think I set myself up for disappointment. I had imagined that the town would perpetually smell of fresh chocolate, that every house would be pristine in their lawn care, with white picket fences and friendly mail men. You know, reminiscent of Leave It To Beaver or something. Instead we arrived to a grey city where the hotel smelled like a fake chocolate air freshener and the only cab in the city costs $10 to go less than 2 miles.
I was not enchanted.
Corey, however, was pleased with the program and promised that there is more to Hershey than over-rated "Hershey World."
One of the attractions at Hershey world. Yes, singing cow heads, really.
I know that we would make any place our home and enjoy it and do our best to thrive there. I just wasn't particularly floored about the "sweetest place on Earth."
But this Christmas tree was AWESOME.
From the Mind of J-Momma at 7:15 AM
From the Mind of J-Momma at 7:11 AM
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Wikipedia makes a statement about Christmas that just couldn't be more true, however disappointing...
"Because gift-giving and several other aspects of the holiday involve heightened economic activity among both Christians and non-Christians, Christmas has become a major event for many retailers."
I want Christmas to mean more to my family than this, but I know we have to lead by example for that to ever happen. Corey and I have to be aware of the needs around us, we must pray often for the determination to see others as more important than ourselves. We were talking the other day about holiday traditions, how fun it is to have special things to look forward to every year that only our family does. I know now that I want at least one of those traditions to involve doing something special for the poor, on Christmas, I want THAT day to be special because we live like Jesus first and get gifts last. But more than that, my hope is that we live this way always, not just during the holidays. It is my deepest desire that Asher grow up to be a kind, generous, self less soul, that he loves fiercely and serves passionately-but I've gotta do it first. Living life is like traveling a great stairway. Sometimes we walk upwards, working hard, using our strength just to transition, to reach the next chance to grow and change. Sometimes we walk down, it's easier, we're lighter on our feet, but we have to watch to be sure we don't stumble, we can't walk the easy way blindly or we're sure to mis-step. As Asher learns these lessons, I hope I can be there to make the trip easier, to lend him strength, and I hope many others will teach him along the way as well.
From the Mind of J-Momma at 3:14 PM