scared

Today I had an experience that made me think that perhaps I don't want another baby any time soon. As many of you know, not only am I a new mommy, but I also nanny for a super sweet little man by the name of Will McGee. Now Asher and Will make it a point to take it easy on me, they rarely cry at the same time, they discuss how to take naps simultaneously so I can have a few minutes of me time. They are, in a word, fabulous. Today, however, I had a toddler. A wonderfully sweet, well mannered little man, but bursting with energy and MOVEMENT. So, with Asher on one hip and Will close by I spent two hours keeping Mr. Motion out of trouble. I can't possibly imagine maintaining my sanity with Asher as a toddler and his yet conceived sibling pining for, well, my boob. There was one moment when I'm pretty sure I lost a few strands of rapidly thinning locks. Asher woke from his nap screaming as if to call forth the milk brigade, Will, having just finished his afternoon snack, horked it up all over my couch AND filled his underpants with sludgey green goodness, also coating my jeans in the same pale shade of processed formula... all the while my toddler man was egging on my already ADHD terrier. When Corey got home we had a little couch time and then I booked it out of the house for a much needed stint in the cardio room of the gym. Oh blessed exercise, you are my refuge, despite the persistent muffin top I still have bursting forth over my jeans.

beauty

Somewhere inside all of us is this aching for beauty, this desire to see, feel, experience, even create something gut wrenchingly beautiful. Some days I find myself searching it out in the ordinary, hoping to find a unique touch of it in the way the sun filters through the leaves on a tree or in catching some one commit an act of kindness, wanting nothing in return. Yet lately I've been choked by the beauty I get to see everyday, in Asher's soulful eyes. The way he looks at me, the gently whispered "goo" and "gee" when we're rocking together, even the full throttled yell he uses to let me know he's awake and hungry...these are every day extraordinary. I thank God daily that he has allowed me to be a part of something so perfect, and that these tiny fingers and toes and smiles and giggles are all entwined with who I am. I can't fathom anything more beautiful.

impending

The day is fast approaching when we will find out where we will live out the next 7 years or so of our lives. Corey is an MS3 (3rd year medical student) who is currently rotating in various specialties, and around this time next year he will "match," determining where we will end up. This is really the first place I've lived where I have a handful of deep and personal friendships, I just can't fathom giving those up, but alas it is unavoidable. I love this town, the people I've grown to love, the jobs I've worked, it is disheartening to think of leaving, so I will push it to the back of my mind until the day is near.

simplicity

There was a time in life when we were all overjoyed by the simple things...

My little man is growing so fast. Soon he'll be plotting to take over the world.

grin and bear it...

I'm new to this mommy gig. I'm new to this blog business, I suppose that's why they seem to go hand in hand at this point. As a nanny as well as a mommy I find myself relishing adult conversation, somehow these written words on the screen filled the void without the notion of trying to say all the right things when you're talking to an actual adult. Sometimes I am amazed that I'm actually considered an adult, my thought process really is pretty juvenile.

So today, sitting in a dimly lit room pushing a rocking chair with Asher nursing peacefully in my lap, I looked down to see his big blue eyes staring up at me, and then, a smile. In that one moment my heart landed somewhere outside of me. It's priceless moments like these that make all the spit up I clean out of my hair so, very, worth it.