+++Asherland Adventures

The Next Leg

2009-05-05T17:12:00.003-05:00

So, our trip to Peoria turned out to be very fruitful! We saw 22 houses in a day and a half and finally found just what we were looking for! After seeing 19 homes, neither Corey nor I felt convinced that God was leading us to any particular one, we had prayed diligently for clarity. Before starting day two of our house hunt Corey spent some time in silence trying to listen to what the Lord might be telling him about which home to choose. The answer kept coming back as "Wait." The problem was, at that point we didn't have any houses left to look at! Not sure what we were waiting for, we made the 40 minute drive from Havana to Peoria, hopeful that clarity was to be found. Our realtor also had the same uncertainty about the homes we had viewed, but graciously scheduled a second look for one we thought might be the one. With our very handy and knowledgable uncle in tow, we scoped out our choice. He was none too thrilled.

We decided, in faith, to wait.

Then the realtor tells us that one of her co-workers was selling her home, in our price range, near Corey's hospital and that she wanted us to take a look. She found out about it's recent place on the market (6 days!) from another realtor in their copy room! So...we checked it out and loved it! Even our uncle in all his detailed inspection couldn't find anything alarmingly wrong with this house despite it's less than youthful date of origin. Without further ado, here is a small preview of our new home on E. Frances Ave.!

We close on the house June 3rd and will get settled in to make Peoria our new home! More pics to come as we travel the great midwest!

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Alright folks, this blogging business is getting really difficult! For the next month we will be staying in 4 different houses, doing various things, in and out, over and under, and the computer is just going to have to wait. I want everyone to be able to keep up with our goings on, so I'm going to be posting to Twitter so that those of you interested in knowing when we land in Illinois, updates on the new baby coming in October and thus can follow us there. You can choose to get texts sent to your phone or to log in and view my page just as you would the blog. To follow us directly go here.

transistion

2009-03-25T10:39:00.004-05:00

Nicki has a fantastic camera that I COVET! I LOVE her camera, these are a few of the shots she's taken recently of Ash and Will. Above-Ash's real smile vs. what he does when we tell him to smile. His little personality is really emerging and he is SIL-LY!

Tub time fun with Will.

Pillow fightin'

Ok so it's been a LONG while. We found out on March 19th that Corey matched to his first choice for residency in Peoria, IL!! We're incredibly excited to start this journey but also melancholy about leaving our friends here. It's hard to believe 4 year has come and gone and that the incredible men and women who have loved us and taught us so much about ourselves, our marriage, our faith, will have to be left to long distance. I try not to dwell on it.

Living in Weatherford with the McGees has been lots of fun, but has also made the reality of separating Will and Asher all the more glaring. They really enjoy one another and will surely feel the void when we leave. They have been sharing a room and sleep really well together for both naps and night time, I think they actually sleep better together than they did apart!!! Nicki and Matt have been so kind and hospitable, this blessing they have bestowed on us means a great deal, I know that God will bless them in great measure for all they are doing for our family without any expectations of getting rewarded in return. Though I think I'm getting a little spoiled by living in such a nice house!!

So now we've started the daunting task of house hunting for the first time. There are some incredibly cute homes at affordable prices in Peoria, so I'm faithful that we'll find a gem there. I can't believe we're going to be home owners!!! I'll try to post pic of the final options when we get narrowed down. We'll be traveling on April 15th to see a few options and hopefully lock in something! Exciting and scary all at once!!!!

More to come...

Daniels Family Thirft Store

2009-02-26T15:10:00.003-06:00

Well folks, the move is underway. We've sold many of our bigger furniture items thanks in part to the glorious wonder that is Craig's List. We LOVE Craig. Each room of our house is now disassembled and broken down into departments with towers of various items available for the lucky garage salers who will be gracing our purging endeavor this weekend. The hope is that we make enough to buy a king sized bed when we move to our new residency home (just a few more days until we know the spot!!!), the rest of the furniture will be bought when the price is right. In truth, we're pretty excited about roughing it for a bit, learning what our tastes really are as thus far in our lives we've made style of other people's hand me down furniture and accessories. We've decided to travel with just a handful of possessions; Corey's recent art work, pots and pans, Asher's crib and dresser. The rest will come as time and paycheck allow. This is a fun time for us, but also disheartening with the impending upheaval upon us, it's hard to believe we can't take our amazing friends and family with us!!!

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On a lighter note, here are a few of the words Asher has added to his vocabulary:
cracker
pooh
bear
pow pow (our word for punishment)
nana (banana of course)
ball
owee
car

He has also learned to say "share" and "thank you" in sign language. 15 months is so much fun!!!

Toddler Hysteria

2009-02-20T10:11:00.004-06:00

Seriously folks, something of this nature happens every single day. It is such a joy to have these boys growing up together. They are ridiculous!

Gaps

2009-02-20T09:49:00.004-06:00

Well folks, things have been busy around here. With Match Day fast approaching we are trying to make decisions about how to "make it" until Corey gets that first glorious paycheck. In doing our budgeting we discovered that we only had enough moolah to support us until May at our current standard of living, but really it needs to last until JULY! So, we embarked on an adventure in prayer and faithfulness, asking God to provide us a new place to live for free where I could still watch sweet little Will. We had several options, but took two days to pray and be still, listening for God to speak some form of wisdom to us regarding what the next phase in life should be. All we kept hearing that day was "wait." We had a couple that we wanted to approach, but for some reason God kept whispering...."wait." And then, at 930 that evening, I get a call from Will's mom, telling me that her husband suggested that we move in with them!!! After a good talk last night to ensure we were on the same page, it looks like we'll be selling all of our stuff and settling down in Weatherford for a few months. It just goes to show, you never know who God as an answer to prayer.

Also, here are a couple of pics from Asher's first deliberate art experience. It's a very good thing that crayons are non-toxic as I think he ate as much as he colored.

The Hills Are Alive

2009-02-09T12:24:00.002-06:00

...with the sound of hardcore metal. Rock it Ash, rock it good.

This kid LOVES loud music and knows how to show it.

2009-01-29T22:38:00.001-06:00

Asher's life...in the form of photo montage.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

listless

2009-01-27T11:48:00.004-06:00

I discovered a disturbing thing about myself a few days ago, something I'm none too proud of but feel, for the sake of my own clearness of conscience, I should share...

I have... a list.

In the recesses of my thinking, on a nearly daily basis, I add to this perpetually growing, unwritten list of wants. Some of them are ridiculous and superficial in nature, some of them seem quite reasonable and valid but the thing is, my needs are met, I am not in want for ANYTHING. It bothers me that in light of the impending change in lifestyle we may soon experience, that I would so often allow myself to accumulate desired objects in my thoughts. Desired. Not needed.

There's the Sonicare toothbrush that is sure to keep the pearly whites pearlin'. Reasonable, nothing wrong with owning one, but I covet this piece of dental equipment. I yearn for the day I can add one to my array of bathroom accessories. This will not do.

And then there's the purse. I have always had the desire for a "real" purse, expensive and fashionable and made of some suspiciously soft animal hide with large buckles and pockets. The kind all the other women notice. Something like this.

Taking time to find gratitude for my sweet little Volcom bag.

And the list really just goes on. I have this back and forth battle of fighting these wants of earthly pleasures and remembering how very many people could be helped by the generosity that could be exchanged for one very cute handbag or pair of shoes. I know, it seems simple and ridiculous, "just don't want that stuff anymor", but somewhere buried deep down is a diva fighting as I bury her alive, pebble after pebble at a time, with a deeper desire to serve the poor and destitute and hurting of this world. I don't condemn or judge those with these things, I may even have them myself some day, but I will NEVER exchange my ability to give to others for my own vanity.

THAT is why I needed to write this post. To profess a truth buried deeper in my soul than that designer diva, the truth "that...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." "As a result, [I will] not live the rest of [my] earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God." So I write this for me, to remind me to "sell [my] possessions and give to the poor. [To] provide purses for [myself] that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys" that I might always consider the needs; physical, emotional and spiritual, of my fellow man in all that I say and do.

It really can start with a purse.

shenanigans

2009-01-22T16:28:00.003-06:00

Here are a few pics of Ash with his partner in crime. Will has definitely become Asher's BFF. He gets ridiculously excited when the doorbell rings in the morning and doesn't seems to have nearly as much fun in Will's absence. It's been a week since he's been here due to our illnesses, so in truth I'm missing him a little too. My heart is definitely going to break when we have to say goodbye this summer...

Playing king of the carseat.

Rock throwing park frolics.

Dishing.

illness and a new toy

2009-01-22T15:35:00.003-06:00

Our family has been recovering from infection. Little Ash got the worst of it, but you wouldn't have known based on his behavior. He continued to be his giggly, squirmy, rambunctious little self despite constant diarrhea and one big bout of vomiting.
In the car.
On our way to church.
Seeping into car seat crevices no rag would dare to go.
So to say the least, we've been airing out the car for a few days. I may have used more Febreeze and carpet cleaner in our vehicle than most people use in a year, yet the fragrance remains. Ugh.
And now I am getting over a similar illness, though mine manifested more in fevery chills and muscle aches that feel like I was run over by a bus.
Twice.
Thus the reason for the gap in posting, though I have much to share!

I some how managed to kill our laptop. It was not pre-meditated nor intentional, but I should be locked up regardless. It seems I downloaded dirty, rotten adware (though I never actually downloaded anything?!) that embedded itself into the darkest recesses of our hard drive. May our sweet 4 year old HP R.I.P.
The good news is, we are now Mac people. We just received our very own MacBook just a few days ago and are loving it thus far. I can't wait to figure out how to use iMovie too make more Asher videos!

Also, I have to confess on Asher's behalf, his sincere love affair with my sweet friend K. When we received their family Christmas photo this year, Asher took every chance he could get to pluck it off the shelf and carry it around with him. Here is a photo of him gazing longingly outside while holding the pic of his princess.

It really is way too sweet. He'll look at the picture then hug it and once he even kissed it! She is the only non-family member that he will run up to and hug. He's seriously crushin'.

finicky

2009-01-17T22:16:00.002-06:00

I think I may finally have found a background I can live with. Asher is just so cool, I hate to undermine him thus with lame blog decor. It's 1020PM and I'm not sleeping because Corey is working in the ER at our lovely local county hospital. It's no longer a matter of not being able to sleep out of fear or anxiety as it once was. No, dear friends, it seems that it is rather a matter of accountability. Some how with out another adult in the house, I seem to day dream in the electronic wonder of the internet. Truth be known I've been indulging in two of my favorite guilty pleasures: Diet Vanilla Creme Dr. Pepper from Sonic and various online video extravaganzas.

I window shop at a never ending mall of robust, flashing screen designs. It usually begins with gmail. A momentary glimpse to check who is taking time to enter into my inbox, so innocent, but it never ends there. I slide on over to facebook, browsing the photos of my "friends," reading updates, accepting an ever increasing number of friend requests. The bait sinks down, I'm being reeled in by my love of youTube, I hear it calling to me, I sigh and stroll on over. There I find all of my old favorites and some new. Checking up on live performances from American Idol winners of seasons past, catching the newest vid from VenetianPrincess, ALWAYS have to check up on my girl Britney. I know I'm going to have to give up my interest in pop stars as my son gets older, but for now they are just SO interesting! Often what I find gives me reason to intercede for them in prayer...

In all my efforts at piety, I'm still a troubled soul who just can't help but love the pull of secretly stalking the lives of others, feeling as if I knowthem personally. Even going so far as to use casual first name references when discussing their blogging with other obssessors. Rest assured, the hours of 9P-midnight are what afford me this luxury. I truly do my best to stay away during Asher's waking hours, to spend time teaching and training him, reading him (the same) books over and over and over again. The boy likes to read. Or be read to rather, hopefully it will translate to him enjoying books on his own later in life. But while daddy is away, mommy enjoys her subtle indulgence, and the house remains quiet.

giving it up

2009-01-15T16:25:00.004-06:00

I find myself trudging through self deprecation more and more these days. I don't think I'm depressed or anything extreme, just kind of disenfranchised with my own abilities and worth. I am all at once extremely proud and arrogant of many things while also feeling the punch of my own disapproving fist. The majority of this, of course, is parenting related.

I love having a family, I have been blessed with this great well of knowledge when it comes to theories and practicals and scriptures and the like. I could be any kind of parent I wanted to be: rigid and militant, care-free and spirited...we all have our opinions on what kind of children are produced by various methods, but I'm realizing something. Asher is going to be, who he is going to be. There is a passionate, fiery, silly soul in him and I can't expect him to be anything else. I have been in a constant battle, the side of stress often winning over peace in choosing what "method" of parenting I feel best about. Why do I think I have to follow an agenda? Why does my parenting have to be "this" or "that?" I am realizing our parenting has to be from us.

Corey and I have to do what works in our family, reading and observing our child and our own flaws and strengths to find out how we can build a stable, consistent, life giving, love building home. Asher needs firm boundaries, but he also needs lots of reassurance. He needs to know that he is not in control, but that there are choices he gets to make, even this early. We've seen first hand how putting up stringent walls of structure where he is allowed little to no choice or mobility tears him down, gets him putting up the dukes all the more.

Basically, I need to stop worrying about what observers, doctors, family members, even my own friends are thinking (because it's always better than we think it is any way, isn't it) and just be a mommy to Asher. I need to pray for guidance more than I agonize over methodology. And this is my new resolution, to lay confidence in my offerings to the Lord, that HE will train me through his utterances every step of the way...yes through books, and friends and mostly, through the peace of my own conscience. Because why am I doing things if my conscience is violated anyway?

In turn, if you see me in the grocery store, or at church, or at your house, and you have tips and advice for dealing with my ambitious 1 year old, PLEASE, speak up! But know that I am listening through the ears of the spirit within me, without a guilty conscience. I'm taking a stand, I'm not going to compare myself to other mothers, or my son to other children, because positive or negative, it really adds up to very little in the end.

So, find your inner turmoil my friends, and find a way to let it go. Liberation is always sweet.

helper

2009-01-13T10:57:00.004-06:00

Asher doing his favorite chore. He's my little Roomba!

While we're here talking, let me just tell you about our recent excitement. We are deploying operation early potty training around here, just trying to get the little bum used to the little potty, no serious expectations yet. Yesterday we successfully and happily sat on the potty for 20 minutes, but in the end flushing would have been futile. Alas, I was content in his lack of resistance and sometimes that is just enough. I knew, however, that he was do for #2 any minute, so I let him roam the halls with just a shirt on, diaper free with the intention of keeping my hawkeye open for any sign of "effort." I stepped for a SECOND into the kitchen to throw away a piece of paper only to glance into the dining room to see Asher, hands behind his back, hips jutted forward, happily streaming all over the hard wood floors. Seriously you guys, there was some machismo going on in that dining room, I wish I had video of THAT.

taking a minute to say...

2009-01-08T16:05:00.000-06:00

This picture is AWESOME.

laugh-a-thon

2009-01-08T10:15:00.003-06:00

At least once a day I turn off the sink from doing dishes or pause from doing some other chore to see this. It is a major highlight in my day and reminds me of the joy I should have in all situations, no matter what greyness the day lends or what heartache I might feel, there is always reason to giggle. Uncontrollably. For no apparent reason. Will is REALLY funny.

followers

2009-01-06T22:10:00.001-06:00

I know you're out there, but I don't know how many of you there are! If you read my blog often, will you please click on the "Follow This Blog" link on the bottom right? It's hard to keep writing when it appears I have no audience! Thank you, it will mean the world to me!

natural living won't get us to heaven

2009-01-06T21:10:00.005-06:00

Recently I have been receiving far many too ecstatic compliments concerning my way of living, which is really not unique at all, just unique to my circle of friends. I feel very unworthy of such praises, but today I also found my pride puffing up in just the slightest. I took some time to contemplate what I really want to define me as a person and especially as a wife and mother since those roles are the very core of who I am and what I do at this present stage. So for those of you who aren't familiar with our various quirks...

I hate television. Corey hates television (except during football season). Asher has never watched more than ten minutes of TV. When we moved into our rent house a little over a year ago, we decided to take the plunge and sell our TV, to go unplugged. It was the best decision we could have made. I would never want my friends to come over scantily clad, swearing, making out and bearing fire arms, so why would I want Asher to be exposed to that from a shiny, blinking box? These days even if you watch "good" shows, the commercials are just as destructive as all the R rated TV going on. I just don't want to pollute the minds of our family with such brash behavior and clamoring for material things. But not having a TV doesn't make us better than anyone else, it just helps us be our best. And it certainly won't get us to heaven.

We eat healthy, unprocessed, organic food. (Except of course when we stop by Chick-Fil-A, our poison of choice!) A typical menu for the day means steel cut oats with butter and honey for breakfast with a "green" smoothie (meaning it has raw spinach and flax in it), fruit as a snack, a salad with home made bread for me for lunch; pasta with butter, broccoli and fruit for Asher, then any random thing I can come up with for dinner. We usually do have meat with dinner since Corey is so swole and needs to maintain his massive muscle index ;) I LOVE eating healthy. I love looking in my fridge and seeing lots of color and very few boxes. We don't eat things that come in cans. I take the nutrional density of our meals seriously, but what we put into us only matters for a small window of time. Our bodies WILL decay, fruits and veggies won't make the important parts of us last.

I cloth diaper Asher when we're at home. A few (though currently fleeting, cause who in their right mind wants to take on the powerhouse that is the disposable diaper industry) studies have shown connections between the chlorine and chemicals used forabsorbancy in diapers to infertility issues and prostate cancer. Even if only 2 studies showed a connection, I still wouldn't want to risk it. I use old school, unbleached cotton prefold diapers with water resistant covers. We use disposables for church day care and on the road, but at home it's cotton all the way. In addition to keeping little Ash's tush chemical free, it has a hugely positive impact on the environment. Disposable diapers don't degrade people. Even the ones that claim to be biodegradable WILL NOT break down in a land fill. In fact, nothing will. And who really wants to compost a dirty diaper? I love cloth diapers, but it doesn't bring me any closer to eternity. The prince himself, modeling his clothed bottom.

I wake up at 6am and exercise 4-5 days a week and go on long runs almost every Saturday. I do this because my health is vital to my longevity, because I want to be an example to Asher, to my husband. I want to help motivate my friends, every one I love, to get fit because it means a longer, stronger, more aggresively lived life. But even still, if I can run 10 miles and am still wearing the same size jeans on my death bed, all that emphasis on taking care of my temple won't mean a thing, if I and my family never enter into the holy of holies.

Why to do I write all this? It's not to impress you, it's not to dote on the positive things in my life, it's because I don't want to miss the point. I don't want live my life with all of these good deeds and great living if it means my family, especially my children, won't love Jesus and through their love for him, love everyone. I want my family to be lovers of people, lovers of life, but to do so because it stems from an understanding of the unending and perpetual love and mercy we all receive daily from our Father. The blessings of a life lived in peace and with out fear due to a trust in something bigger and more powerful to guide your every decision are indescribable. It's free living, I hope you can all experience that peace, I hope in some small way we can be a part of your journey there.

Not Me Monday

2009-01-05T22:05:00.003-06:00

I've been dodging the remarks about my scarce posts and figured I should come up with ways to keep this thing going since I seem to have acquired so many loyal readers. So without further ado, my first "Not Me Monday".
Something fun from MckMama.
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Since the thought has never crossed your minds about whether I ever lose my cool, because I obviously have it ALL together, then you wouldn't have even dared to think that I, upon cringing at the dog barking wildly 30 minutes before the babies were supposed to wake, would pick him up by the scruff and toss him into the front closet to answer the door, in hopes maybe he wasn't noticed by the little sleepers. No, no. Not me. I am ALWAYS gentle with my dog!

My desk is NOT covered in various books devoted to pee pee in the potty. And I DEFINITELY don't read a book to Asher everyday that states via drawing and text that on ones bottom there is "a little hole for making poo poo." Could you imagine ME reading that OUT LOUD? Nope, not me!

When Corey goes out of town for interviews I definitely don't stay up as late as the hackers because I become hypersensitive to every little creak the house makes. And I most certainly wouldn't occupy my time from 9p-2a watching YouTube. And even if I did I definitely wouldn't be watching videos of Britney Spears' live performances from her glory days. Because I am NOT secretly a huge fan. That would just be embarrassing. Not me. ...bah bah bah...just like a circus...

And to wrap it up, when I am hope alone and the doorbell rings I definitely don't A)pretend I'm not home even though the person at the door probably heard me walk to the peep hole thanks to our ancient hardwood floors, B)allow Frankie to bark loudly for an uncomfortable amount of time until the person at the door leaves OR C)go out our back door with Franklin on a leash and walk to the front "accidentally" letting Frank charge at the inquirer and then comment about how my husband is about to be home from an intense power lifting regime at the gym. I, of course, confidently answer the door and thus wouldn't be using option A approximately 3 times a week. Surely not me!

family poses

2009-01-02T22:53:00.004-06:00

Here are a few of the beautiful family pictures we took with our sweet friend, Carmen, who is in the very beginnings of starting her own photography business. Asher was WAY too busy watching her 2 year old and envying his running capabilities to sit still for many shots, so we were quite pleased with the result.

Twitter

2009-01-02T22:50:00.002-06:00

I follow the trends, I must admit. To the right of the posts on this page you'll see a gadget called "day to day goings on." It is a new app called Twitter that allows me to text message my blog with updates and just whatever randomness I manage to shovel up. Hopefully you will find it amusing. Corey is grateful we have unlimited texts on our phone plan...

Santa mayhem

2008-12-24T20:07:00.001-06:00

Will explain more later, here is a little teaser for your holiday enjoyment.

the next face of Calvin Klein

2008-12-10T15:12:00.000-06:00

I think some one is aspiring for a career modeling in his skivies.

everyday Christmas

2008-12-10T12:59:00.000-06:00

14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

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I try not to be Debbie Downer, to think positively of myself and my life and my efforts for them both the best they can be. I am queen of good intentions, a stream of well wishes and benevolence flow forth in the creative spaces of my heart, my mind, but the follow through is some how always lacking. Do I blame myself, do I lay blame on the sinful quality of my very nature? An example.

Last night I was walking with some girlfriends in Sundance Square and a woman approached us. In her face you could see the difficulty of her years, the strife and pain and infliction, but she didn't hold back her smile. It was 30 degrees, she was wearing all the clothes she could find because she wasn't sure if she would be able to sleep indoors. She told us that in two days she would be moving into a Habitat for Humanity house, but for tonight unless she could find $13 she would be sleeping in the cold. Now I know our negative, unbelieving selfish nature tells us, "she's lying, she probably just wants money for drugs or booze." But what if she wasn't. What if my $5 would mean she could sleep in the warmth? Shouldn't we give out of our abundance more for the sake of that possibility than the latter?
Giving her my money wasn't the issue for me, it was that I want to be the person who does more. I realized on my way home all the things I should have done so that she would know that a person in the world cares, loves her even. I thought of how I should have made eye contact more, I should have hugged her, I should have put my hands on her and prayed for her. Instead I gave her money, congratulated her on her upcoming home and went on my way.

It's just not enough.

I want to be a stronger, more faithful person.
I want my discipleship to be seen through my abundant love.
With actions and in truth.
What I want to do, I do not do.
Baby steps, Jen. Baby steps.

Hershey

2008-12-06T07:15:00.000-06:00

Testing out his cold weather coat before the big trip.

Exploring the snow!

Asher and Daddy, my handsome boys at the hotel.

Asher and I decided to accompany Corey on his interview with the Penn State program in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I had never seen the north east before and wanted a little taste before we make any decisions on where our home might be for the next 5 years. Being that the program is in Hershey, I think I set myself up for disappointment. I had imagined that the town would perpetually smell of fresh chocolate, that every house would be pristine in their lawn care, with white picket fences and friendly mail men. You know, reminiscent of Leave It To Beaver or something. Instead we arrived to a grey city where the hotel smelled like a fake chocolate air freshener and the only cab in the city costs $10 to go less than 2 miles.
I was not enchanted.
Corey, however, was pleased with the program and promised that there is more to Hershey than over-rated "Hershey World."

One of the attractions at Hershey world. Yes, singing cow heads, really.

I know that we would make any place our home and enjoy it and do our best to thrive there. I just wasn't particularly floored about the "sweetest place on Earth."

But this Christmas tree was AWESOME.

so metal

2008-12-06T07:11:00.000-06:00

Asher, rawkin' a mohawk fresh from the shower.
Destined to be a little skater boy.

the origin of good tidings

2008-12-03T15:14:00.000-06:00

Wikipedia makes a statement about Christmas that just couldn't be more true, however disappointing...

"Because gift-giving and several other aspects of the holiday involve heightened economic activity among both Christians and non-Christians, Christmas has become a major event for many retailers."

I want Christmas to mean more to my family than this, but I know we have to lead by example for that to ever happen. Corey and I have to be aware of the needs around us, we must pray often for the determination to see others as more important than ourselves. We were talking the other day about holiday traditions, how fun it is to have special things to look forward to every year that only our family does. I know now that I want at least one of those traditions to involve doing something special for the poor, on Christmas, I want THAT day to be special because we live like Jesus first and get gifts last. But more than that, my hope is that we live this way always, not just during the holidays. It is my deepest desire that Asher grow up to be a kind, generous, self less soul, that he loves fiercely and serves passionately-but I've gotta do it first. Living life is like traveling a great stairway. Sometimes we walk upwards, working hard, using our strength just to transition, to reach the next chance to grow and change. Sometimes we walk down, it's easier, we're lighter on our feet, but we have to watch to be sure we don't stumble, we can't walk the easy way blindly or we're sure to mis-step. As Asher learns these lessons, I hope I can be there to make the trip easier, to lend him strength, and I hope many others will teach him along the way as well.

One more...

2008-11-26T15:33:00.000-06:00

Couldn't resist posting this sweet little shot of Ash and his Aunt Liz.
What a lucky little boy!!!

I do, however, worry that he will have a hard time finding a wife some day because his standard will be so high for beautiful women...there are way too many in his family alone! Not to mention in our small group at church. Yowza!

photo shoot

2008-11-26T15:32:00.000-06:00

Check out a few pics of Ash at www.PonderPhotography.net (sorry folks for the type-o!)
Go to clients, the password is ASHER.

Christina takes amazing photos for any one looking for a photographer in the DFW area!

Halloween Haters

2008-11-26T15:24:00.001-06:00

Distractions from Aunt Kiki were a must.

And this is what we get for buying a costume on October 1st...
a baby that has outgrown it by 3 inches!!!

Asher was a dragon for Halloween.
For all of 30 seconds.

1st Birthday

2008-11-26T14:52:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, our little boy is one year old. His birthday came and went like a flash on November 6th. I was home with him that day, I just couldn't stop holding and kissing and doting on him, knowing that a year ago to the date I held him in my arms for the first time. We had a small family get together in Austin to honor his special day.

He really didn't get as messy with the cupcake as I had expected (hoped), but no worries, he's messy with everything else. There is something magical in a way with a first birthday, there's so much to remember from that first day with your little one. The first time they fall asleep in your arms, the first time nursing that precious little bundle, calming your angel for the first time and feeling so empowered and important in doing so. And then the days pass, and it just keeps getting better and better. The challenges are always there, they just change, are different, always keeping you prepared for something new up ahead. Remembering that first smile, the first giggle, that early, awkward crawling and now the early, awkward walking. I'm loving every minute of being a mom, I will keep praying to be a mom that my son will be proud of, that he will want to introduce to his friends, that he respects and honors because if I can be that, I think he will understand how to view God in those ways too. Happy Birthday BaBoo.

firsts

2008-11-12T10:55:00.000-06:00

First Oktoburfest.
Thanks for nothing Southlake Town Center.
(They didn't even have German beer!!!)

First cartoon viewing.
Everyone was intrigued.

First McDonald's french fry.
Unfortunately, he was luvin' it.

two things

2008-11-12T10:51:00.000-06:00

Crackin' up before 730A this morning.

#1-40ish man running in the neighborhood.
Shiny blue spandex from head to toe.
Head band.
YES.

#2-Gentleman at the gym working out with personal trainer.
Running laps down the hall.
Gets to the end, turns around, lifts left leg, proceeds to
VICIOUSLY rip one.
THEN notices me standing there.
Runs away.

Life is goooooood.

holding hands

2008-11-10T17:29:00.001-06:00

A sweet little video of some of Asher's first (aided) steps.

Circus

2008-11-07T12:48:00.000-06:00

So, once again please forgive me for having no idea how to flip this video. You may also need to brighten your screen to see it.

With out further ado, Asher's first circus experience, here he is watching the elephants.

Happy Birthday Baby

2008-11-07T11:27:00.000-06:00

From...

To...

And now...

It's been awhile, I promise I'll be better.

Yesterday Asher turned 1, I can't believe it. So much has changed in the last year, but sadly so much is still the same. I think I have this passion living deep inside me to change the world some how, I have this list of good intentions, but some how I manage to never follow through. Know that in writing this, I am not doing so out of woe or in some act of searching for sympathy; I am realizing more every year how much there is to do in the world and I need to start doing it.

Ghandi said "You must be the change you want to see in the world." We, the Daniels family, are making very small steps toward this, but we ARE moving forward. I hope that a year from now you will read this and know that at some point in our journey we let go of our comfort and just leapt. I'm still waiting to find out the direction, the mode, the means in which we are meant to move.

I know most of you probably come here for updates and pictures of Asher more so than my random rantings, and I have tons to share. I will try to post a little every week or every few days to get you all caught up, he's doing so much now, he's such a precious joy in all his capriciousness. He is a very passionate child and not shy about showing it. I hope he never loses that.

family portrait

2008-10-06T15:01:00.000-05:00

My friend Jenny Ray did this portrait of our family as a gift to us. It is one of the most touching gifts I have ever received and wanted to share it with all of you.

moon

2008-09-26T09:51:00.000-05:00

Sorry guys, I just thought this was hilarious.

the package

2008-09-22T11:19:00.000-05:00

I'm uncomfortable and bothered by my son's fascination with, you know...what's "down there." I was completely unaware that his bits would become his newest bath tub toy, or that he would request to grab and pinch just as I undo a dirty, stinky diaper thus making his hands a dirty, stinky mess. I had imagined that my child would lay on the changing table calmly cooing as I put a new diaper on. RUDE AWAKENING! My kid kicks and yells and pushes my hands and does every thing he can to reach what is NOT meant to be reached!! I am just hoping that he will not move into the stage of walking around with his hands in his pants-mama is just not cool with that...

schedule

2008-09-17T14:53:00.002-05:00

I thought perhaps you might find it interesting to know what an average, let's say...Wednesday, is like in the Daniels' Home.

530A - Wake, nurse Asher, running clothes
550A - Run to Katie's (a friend, lives 1 mile away), 2 miles with her, run to gym
630A - Circuit weight training
700A - Shower
730A - Make smoothies for me and Ash, will arrives
800A - Breakfast with Asher and Will
830A - Shelby arrives
900A - Babies play in tupperware, I do dishes
930A - Clean-up song (I sing, babies stare), diaper changes all around
1000A- Peace in the house! Nap time for kiddos, Bible and prayer (and latte) time for me
1100A- Begin preparing for lunch time
1200P- The big show...feeding 3 toddlers lunch at once!
100P - Free play for little tykes, I shuffle to straighten up the place, check emails, etc.
145P - Diaper changes again, getting ready for Nap #2
230P - Let nap commence-this is my cleaning, laundry, phone call, keep posted on political
nonsense time (yesterday I watched Tina Fey as Palin 3 or 4 times...FUNNY...but
that's not usually how I research political party lines, don't worry).
400P - Get babies up from naps, everybody gets a snack and some juice
430P - Book time: we usually read a few stories in Asher's room
500P - Get all of Will and Shelby's things together.
515P - Nicki arrives, we chat
545P - Shelby's ride arrives, we chat
630P - Ash, Corey and I get some family time and dinner, then leave for church!

And there you have it folk, a day in the life of the Daniels' DayCare.

wonderful

2008-09-17T14:53:00.001-05:00

Sweet friends.

Edwin and Stacy-we go way back. Still knowing them allows us to always hold on to the history of our time in college. The late night studying at the UGL, the dates under the stars and trees at the capitol, sand volleyball and river floating. I am so grateful for Stacy-she's one of those women that is just so real and so blatantly open about her thoughts and attitudes (even if they're ugly!), it took awhile but I can say that I feel so solid around her, so at peace. I think (and hope with a greatest hope) that they will be a part of our lives always, no matter where we live (and that they'll go on our Alaskan adventure with us). They're just those kind of people. Plus they're such hotties! Er, I mean...such a beautiful couple.

lemony goodness

2008-09-17T14:53:00.000-05:00

This is fun in the last 5 seconds.

"Tickle" can now be added to Asher's vocab.
He can also sign more, milk, all done and drink.
Baby sign language is a brilliant thing.

heavy things

2008-09-13T15:39:00.000-05:00

Life has presented so many heavy hearted thoughts and prayers these days. While our family is thriving and getting closer and closer to the end living off loans (a very worthy reason to celebrate!), so many around us are experiencing heart ache and emotional despair. I'm constantly left feeling that I am just not doing enough to comfort these wounded souls; truly all I can do is be myself and put that self aside to focus on the needs of others, praying that God teaches me to be a place of peace. Today we met with a lawyer friend to begin writing a will, I just spent the last few hours researching life insurance policies. When I did I grow up? It happens so suddenly doesn't it? The reality of my day to day living remains that I LOVE my life. I choose to wake up each day knowing that my best choice is to be grateful for everything, making the most of it, letting nothing steal my joy. We don't have a perfect life, but it is a mine and I choose to believe that it is great and worthy of my living it to the full every day. Trials will come, there will be days when there is sadness, less perfection, complaints and sorrows-but if I can some how rejoice even in those times, I feel I will leave a legacy.

echo

2008-09-09T08:46:00.000-05:00

Asher is 10 months now, it's hard to believe only 8 weeks separate us from his 1 year birthday! This past month has brought many firsts for little Ash. "Dog" is the first real word we can put in his vocabulary, and while everything is "dog," it started with learning that Frankie is a dog, so we figure it counts. He calls all the right things dog, it's just that everything else is also dog. We're hoping he never learns "cat," we really don't like cats.

Asher has also finally gotten his very first tooth! It's a little tiny nub on the bottom, but it's there! I'm sure more are soon to follow suit. He's eating lots of little foods he can pick up. For breakfast we break up a waffle and some fruit, he loves grilled cheese sandwiches and plums and graham crackers. I'm glad to be passed the stage of spoon feeding him everything, though that is still the only way I can get him to eat his veggies.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
On a sadder note, Corey and I got some news on Saturday that was just heart wrenching. A family in our church has experienced immense loss, I can hardly bear to think of it. Larry Mason, father of two beautiful little princesses (3 and 18mos) was involved in a car accident on Friday night that took his life. He was working 2 jobs to support his beautiful family, and in coming home very late in the evening, he ran off the road. The best guess is that he fell asleep at the wheel. I just can't imagine the pain and heartache and loss of faith that his wife, Rachele, must be going through. I only write this here to ask that those of you who read this please pray for their family. That Rachele is able to somehow find an ounce of peace, trust in a plan she can not possibly understand, that the church can support them and lift them up and care for all of their needs in the upcoming months.

Never let your loved ones out of the door without a proper goodbye.

sister

2008-08-30T16:16:00.001-05:00

Believe it or not, the woman to my right in this picture is my sister! We share the same mother and shared the same roof albeit for a short while. Beginning this adventure of starting my own family with Corey has put some perspectives in place that I never gave second thought in the past. I have 3 brothers-Brad, Todd, Ralph-and my sister Angie whom are all significantly older than me. This age difference has always left me apathetic, thinking that it must not be that important for me to know them, since I didn't during my childhood. That has been eminantly reevaluated. I want Asher to know my family, and even more so I want to know my family. Friends can unfortunately be interchanged, but family is constant...or at least it should be. I want to be better at this, I want to remember birthdays and send holiday cards and call every once in awhile out of the blue. When major events happen in my life I want to think, "Man, I've got to call Angie!" or "Brad's gonna flip when he hears this." Right now I don't have those thoughts, the place where family is supposed to be is just sort of skipping like a dusty record, I keep repeating the same interspersed rare meetings that end up taking me to same place I was before. I'm tired of the 4 year reuinions, the catching up and missing out on nieces and nephews. Life is just SO busy, I know that if I want this, I have to make a priority for it. I guess I'm just not sure where to begin. What I do know, is that despite the distance and how little I know them, I LOVE my family. I love the dysfunction. I love the stories of hard faught success. I love that they will probably be the best characters for the book I may some day write, and that they are the best fruit I could hope for on my family tree.

posin'

2008-08-28T11:05:00.000-05:00

Asher knows just what to do when the camera turns his way. Here we are at JP's Java in Austin, TX. LOVE their coffee. Asher already has a little crush on his Auntie Krystal, who'd blame him! We had a great time on our recent trip to Austin for his Grannie's birthday...

We took a little trip down memory lane by visiting our old stompin' grounds around UT. It's funny how nostaglia creeps up on you right about the time you start noticing crow's feet and fine lines in your forehead. There are so many good memories there.

yappin'

2008-08-28T10:42:00.000-05:00

Certainly saying something profound.
Would you expect anything less?

metal head

2008-08-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

We have tried to expose Asher to music in it's various forms.
Here he shows his preference for metal.

rain

2008-08-18T12:10:00.001-05:00

This morning I got up at 445am. I nursed Asher, put him back to bed, put on my running gear. It was dark and muggy and so silent. After my run, after Corey left for work, I sat outside to just feel the rain. It was magic for just those few minutes with the hum of cars nearby and the quiet drops dancing around. Sitting under an awning I let the insignificant deluge fall on my legs and shoes and just felt so wrapped up in the wonder of it. As the sun increased its height the sky all it's darkness was over taken, becoming azure and golden all at once. There is so much beauty when we taken just an extra moment to relax and look around, I don't want the memories of me to be etched in scenes of busyness and stress. I want people to remember that I loved, I laughed, I dreamed and hugged and took special moments just to fall in love with the pocket of nature all around despite the city. The most prominent memories of mommy in Asher's mind must not be of me fretting over dishes or laundry or Lord knows what else-I want him to remember that I lived life to the full and never looked back...

zest

2008-08-15T15:50:00.000-05:00

I love Asher's zest for experience, desire to taste life and shake what his momma gave him. He's starting to seem more and more like a little person, with individual desires and wants, preferences and dislikes. Currently he prefers Metal to Classical and dirty to clean. He prefers to laugh at Franklin as he feeds him his snacks as opposed to eating them himself. He also prefers to test his boundaries than obey when mom and dad say no. Who knew you could battle to maintain authority with a 9.5 month old? You also have to love that just now I had to break from writing this because he pulled the place mat off the dining table, tossing fruit snacks and crackers all over the floor, and then proceeded to try to stuff as many in his mouth while I cleaned them up. Sheesh, I have my hands full and I love every minute of it.

privilege

2008-08-07T14:17:00.000-05:00

I was sitting outside having some blanket time with the kiddos this morning and this thought hit me like a ton of bricks. People have entrusted their children's precious lives to me. Even if only for a few hours a few days a week, the privilege and responsibility is daunting. In a very small way I will have an influence on them, and I must fight to ensure that they walk away with a sense of respect for others and for authority, that my example is never one of complacency or laziness, but rather diligence and perseverance. Asher watches everything I do with these other little ones too, what will I say to him with my actions? My greatest wish is that every child under my care leaves feeling loved, with a sense of adventure in their heart, throwing off all inhibitions, dancing to every beat. We dance at my house a lot. Mostly to They Might Be Giants' "Here Come the 123s" or "Here come the ABCs." Occasionally to a little classic rock.

No one but me and then babies have witnessed this.
It will stay that way.

So...if you have a moment, pray for my care of these littles, that in my own small way I can instill in them the same great confidence my Father instills in me.

whoa big boy

2008-08-07T10:58:00.000-05:00

He's just so big already!

Skills

2008-08-07T10:48:00.000-05:00

That's right, I'm not too modest to say...I AM super-nanny. And I'll tell you why. This morning I took 3 boys, ages 9-11 months, to the park. Oh, but not with a car, with a double stroller and a baby backpack. Half a mile there, half a mile back, and when we returned home, I got them all to sleep at the same time. The good Lord was on my side today, and everyday for that matter. I just really appreciated the extra dose of peaceful baby 'tudes today.

Asher (9mo)-Will (9.5mo)-Liam(11mo)
Having some out door blanket time under a marvelous tree.
Sorry parents, there was some grass ingested.

Asher and me-snugglin' in the baby pack.

birds and bones

2008-08-01T10:41:00.001-05:00

Here is a bit more from our Illinois adventures...

Here we are posing outside of Dixon Mounds, an Indian burial mound. A bit spooky.
Asher was all for posing with the ladies, but he wanted a shot by himself to prove he is tough stuff.

Here are Asher and I just outside Hummingbird Haven. A couple living between corn fields decided to turn their home into a Hummingbird oasis by outfitting it with a boo-coo of those feeder thingies. It was smokin' hot out.

Asher and his grannie trying to fight off the paparazzi.

A close-up of Ash's baby mohawk.

I'm looking forward to our next big adventure, it may not end up being until Corey start interviewing for residency in the fall, but we shall see. Please pray for future destination-that it be a great program for Corey, a great city for Asher and I, and that there be friends waiting to be made wherever we go. I'm not handling the fact of moving soon very well. In fact I'm avoiding feeling anything about it all together, which I know will spell disaster as the day approaches. I'm scared to leave my friends.

Speaking of friends...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAIRE!!!!
You are well loved by me and my family!

inside out

2008-08-01T10:28:00.001-05:00

(Asher and I in our jams)

There is this beautiful, mysterious aspect to the love you have as a mother. This tiny life turns your relatively peaceful world into a loud, stinky, utterly tumultuous war zone. Food, clothes and often bodily fluids fly about at will-your shirt is never clean. Yesterday I went to bed and realized that I had managed to wear my underwear inside out all day. It was 2pm before I had brushed my teeth though Asher had already had breakfast, a nap, play time and lunch. I, on the other hand, was wearing backward underwear and had only scarfed a cup of yogurt through dirty teeth-your life is no longer dedicated to your own as a mother-and it's glorious. Every little smile and giggle and tight tiny baby squeeze makes me realize that I just don't care if I'm not as glamorous or stylish or hip as I was 9 months ago-though I do really really want to be one of those "hot moms." What I really want is to care for my child and my husband and to foster a closeness between all of us and our Maker, a respect for others and for our world. I'm starting to realize that I don't have to be a picture perfect housekeeper or act as Corey's personal chef to do that. I need to be happy and in love with life, no matter the circumstance, and then I can give to the full.

it's been awhile

2008-07-27T21:40:00.000-05:00

Sorry we've been gone so long. I was busy teaching Asher how to drive...

Ok so seriously, I haven't abandoned my blogging past time. I'm back, ready to release a fury of fateful tales of the ins and outs of Asherland.

This past week we spent a lovely time amidst the corn and soy fields of Southern Illinois.
Havana, IL.
Never heard of it? Not to worry, here is all you need to know about one of the corn state's most precious gems....http://www.outfitters.com/illinois/mason/havana.html

While in Havana, Corey, Asher and I, along with Corey's parents spent loads of time relaxing (sleeping) and supporting the local economy (read: buying ice cream in bulk), while learning a bit about the history of Small Town, USA (listening to stories about people I've never met). Asher took to his great grandmother pretty immediately, they became good buddies by the time the week was over...

I have many more photos and gobs of stories to tell, but it's 10PM and this old lady needs to hit the hay. Mr. Asher is an early morning person and mom has to get her rest to keep up. Visit again soon, I promise there will be much more to come...

Fishin'

2008-07-07T13:50:00.000-05:00

Things I have fished out of Asher's mouth so far:

fake daisy leaf
door jamb
piece of plastic spoon (Frank ate the rest)
small square of paper
outer layer of onion
tape

Though I must tell you that Will tops them all. The other day he managed to use his sharp little baby buds to gnaw through the head of our beloved Kanga figurine (didn't know it was pliable enough to be chewed!). I discovered this only after seeing him with a tightly clenched fist, vigorously chomping on something . I had to pin him down with my legs and suffer several baby bud bites before recovering the decapitated friend of Pooh. Quite the heart pounder I assure you!

Mr. Personality

2008-07-07T13:43:00.000-05:00

Seriously, could he be any sillier?
Asher loves the grocery store in a fierce way. When we go he sits up proudly in his little hippie seat cover and looks for people to smile at. As soon as some one approaches he puts on his biggest cheese and waits for them to notice. It's great, but causes our grocery store outings to last twice as long. He makes every little old lady melt, and, to be truthful, all the old gentlemen as well. We have been blessed with such a joyful little man!

Hot Texas Summer

2008-07-07T13:35:00.000-05:00

Will and Asher have a ball together in our little blue baby pool. Despite the fact that I had put numerous toys in their grasp, the best play things available (meaning, the ones they fought over the most) were a tupperware lid and empty water bottles. Go figure.

The "twins."
All the neighbors seem to think so anyway. As if they don't seem to notice that one of them just so happens to get dropped off at 730 three mornings a week and is suspiciously absent the other two.

Asher-cheesin' as usual.

health nut

2008-07-05T13:32:00.000-05:00

My son is wonderful and entertaining. Let me give you an example of a typical day in the Daniels' household. Asher and I usually start off the day with a "green smoothie." Just fruit, almond milk, flax and a handful of spinach. He really loves these, I mix in some Earth's Best Oatmeal and he gobbles down breakfast with great eagerness. Apparently one day I did not fill his belly to his liking because as I was busy rinsing dishes, I heard a thud (and no crying!) only to discover my sleuthing son and tag a long pup getting their fill...

Green smoothie mayhem. A typical day.

lots to share

2008-07-04T10:41:00.000-05:00

So, it's been a while my blog community. I'm sure you've missed us ;)

Well, where to begin is tricky. Let's start by saying that Corey takes his USMLE (the Board Exam) on Saturday, and his COMLEX (the DO component) on the 7th and then we are scott free until the 4th of August! A whole month of Corey time, I'm so excited!!! We plan to fly to Illinois from the 17th-24th to visit family and attend a family reunion (I've never been to one). So far, those are our only plans and that is music to my busy little ears (we all know they really aren't little). Hopefully we will be able to make lots of fun family memories, taking little Ash to the zoo and such. We may even get a night to ourselves, who knows! What I do know, is that it will be marvelous.

Now, remember the posts about my sweet friend Krystal whom I found and spoke with on the phone? Just a few hours after that post, Corey and I decided to pack up and visit her in Austin. She was celebrating a very special accomplishment at the end of a tumultuous and victorious year, it was such a special blessing to be able to celebrate with her. To see her was surreal, mostly because it was so natural. There were no hidden agendas or unforgiven hurts, just gratitude to have found one another again and a natural ease that is the consequence of still knowing one another so truly despite all the years and times that have passed. You can be sure I'm never letting her out of my life again (not in a creepy way though, like "Single White Female" or something). I haven't received any of the pictures she took of all of us together yet, but as soon as I do I will post them here for you to see the joy of the momentous reunion!

That same weekend also scattered my list of Christian ideals in a sense. I met some people who were so unshaken in their faith because they had been to the very pit of despair in their lives only to be brought back to hope by the one they call Savior. These weren't your typical believers and I love that. I don't want to be a typical believer. They were raw and real and outside of their pride. They confessed struggles and sins so vulnerably, professing the beauty and majesty of God in their lives-but through rather vulgar speech. It took me aback. Now I'm left wondering, when God asks us to obey to receive the Kingdom, where do these people stand. They love Him, trust Him, give thanks and praise for all blessings to Him, yet don't lift the "upright" moral life. I'm not one to believe God expects us to be pious, in fact I think He abhors that kind of thought, but does He expect us to control our tongue? How far does this example we are asked to set go? Scripture tells me that I am to:

"...say 'no' to ungodliness and worldly passions and to [a] live self-controlled, upright and godly [life] in this present age"

so...where do these folks fit in? Their faith inspired mine, and I, in no way, write this to say that I am trying to judge their eternity. I just want to understand the mind of God a little better. Any input?

Really?

2008-06-28T01:16:00.000-05:00

I'm still not sure what just happened was reality. It's 1:17AM, the house is quiet, all my boys are asleep, but I'm on top of the world. At 1046PM I received a phone call from a number I didn't recognize, but the voice leaving the message was a clear as I remembered it 4 years ago. Krystal called me, I finally found her and just can't even really form my words here to describe what that means to me. Talking to her again felt like it had hardly been any time between us, like we were still sitting in the dark on my bed whispering while all the other roommates were asleep. I have only scratched the very shallowest depth of what she has been through these past years, but already there is a peace in my soul that where she is now is a true place of healing and rest. The Lord has truly perfect timing, only He could have placed her exactly where she was so that this chance connection could take place. I hope so deeply that from this point I can be, in some small way, a renewed source of strength and restitution for her, to make up for all the times I could not be there, though I wanted to be so desperately.

So I write here to tell you my great joy, that my prodigal friend of friends has returned. I also write because there is great sadness in this journey, and to ask sincerely for your prayers and well wishes. Her mother, Sandra, has breast cancer, and it's angry and mad and wants to win but I know that with the prayers of the many saints who read this, she will be restored. Pray and she will overcome. Of that I have no doubt.

I love you Kiki, I can't wait to see you, the days won't come soon enough.

Busy Sadness

2008-06-25T20:28:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling extra useless lately. Something has crept inside of me, telling me that my job as mother and wife is not enough, that I'm slowly losing my identity as an individual. I still want to do things that matter, I want to impact my friends, my community. I want to make a difference. Lately I've been feeling like I can hardly breathe with all of the little tasks required at home, much less get out of the house to do something grand. My outings (which, sadly, I get very excited about) are generally to the grocery store, bank, or church. I just don't see the world any more, I have no idea what is going on out there. The voice inside me is deafening, screaming at me that I am just existing. No more, no less. How can I reconcile this? How can I quit the navel gazing and start living a life that will inspire my son, yet still get all the little mundane responsibilities of life done? I just want to teach Asher how to do great things with his life. Not with words, but by example.

"But if I say, 'I will not mention Him or speak any more in His name,' His word is in my heart like a fire. A fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in.
Indeed, I cannot."

How is it that I feel this scripture so passionately, yet can't seem to do much of anything about it? What good is passion if I have no outlet to make it mean something? I have 100x more questions about my life. I've just been too busy with sadness to seek out any anwers.

2008-06-16T21:58:00.000-05:00

Asher enjoying an IPA at his first post-womb Burgers and Bock.
Just joshin' ya, the bottle was empty but afforded a fun photo op. Here are a few other high chair poses for your viewing pleasure.

growing

2008-06-14T12:48:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how fast this little being has developed. What was once a quiet, serene and mostly motionless lump of life has so quickly grown into a lively, energetic, loud little man with so very much vivid personality. Asher has so much to offer the world in such a little package, I learn from him everyday. Lately I've been considering my own growth, am I different than I was 7 months ago or do I sit stagnant in my day to day living? I want to thrive, to move forward, to take life on with aggressive yet peaceable action. I want to be what I am meant for, I want to be more than a conquerer. It seems at this stage in life I am being asked to stand up, to speak up, to be the voice of truth for those around me, to those around me, even to the church. It's frightening, knowing that you are being asked to be the wind of change when no one wants to fly a kite, when everyone is happy with the stillness around them. But I believe God is only alive, only active in this world when we refuse to accept all that is stolid around us, when we choose to live differently, to speak boldly and, in that, to love fully. It's a treacherous balance, but I HAVE to try. If I don't, I wonder what the world will be for this handsome little man in a funny hat.

Shock

2008-06-04T10:58:00.000-05:00

In college I had a roommate who was my best friend. We shared so much together. We laughed with and at each other, we stayed up late watching infomericals, convincing ourselves that we, in fact, did NOT need a Ron-Co Electric Food Dehydrator. We kept each other in shape, in line, in love with the Lord, we just kept each other. Then one day she left. Evil crept in and told her she wasn't able to make it, that she wasn't strong enough even though we all knew that she was stronger than each of us. The roaring lion of lies pursued her, caused those closest to her to sin against her, myself included, and convinced her it couldn't be made better. She left. She vanished. For 3 years I've seen her smile in pictures and mostly in my memories, I've thought about her every day. When I found out I was pregnant, my heart yearned to tell her, I just wanted her to be a part of this very special beginning in my life, I wanted to make amends and make things right again, but I couldn't find her. Yesterday, I did. Another dear friend of mine called to tell me that Krystal lives in the very apartment complex at which she just became employed. What are the odds? I believe with everything in me that this is my chance, this is the opportunity the Lord has provided for me to enter into healing with her. But now that king of liars is planting fear in my heart. Fear of rejection mostly, fear that she has forgotten me, fear that I don't matter to her the way she has always mattered to me. Yet even with all of these fears pulsing through me, I will begin to write her a letter, pouring my heart and yearning out as best I can through tears and heart ache and frailty. Please pray that she will receive me, that her heart will have had time to soften and that the wounds would be healed enough for her to left me in...

Asher's Photo Shoot!

2008-05-27T14:49:00.000-05:00

Man, he's cute!

Cleanliness

2008-05-22T12:50:00.000-05:00

Bath tub fun! Asher has discovered the immense joy of splashing in the tub, which makes kitchen sink baths a bit more damp than usual. This is such a fun stage, watching his thoughts unfold, his mobility become more and more controlled. I want so badly to get inside his little mind and know what he's thinking, what he sees in this world. It's likely much more exciting and beautiful than the way I see things. With his increasing abilities I become more and more aware that things are going to get more difficult for mommy! With two of these racing roos around the house I'm going to have a load to handle, for sure!

Ok, so once again my lack of technological ingenuity has got the best of me. Enjoy this video with your head tilted.

Little Em

2008-05-16T14:59:00.000-05:00

Yet another post from Washington, but we did many exciting things in 3 meager days! For Mother's Day my brother Brad, along with his sweet wife Ngoc-Diep and 2 month old baby girl, drove from Portland to Shelton, WA to visit us. It was Asher's first time to meet family from my side and my first time to meet my beautiful little niece. Below is Asher with Brad, then he, my mom and I with the babes and then a video of Asher and Emily's first meeting. Enjoy the splendor of baby bliss!

I'm so irritated that I can't get the pictures to go side by side any more!!!!!!

Zooin' It

2008-05-15T15:26:00.000-05:00

A carefree trip to a local Washington zoo proves more than Asher expected.

Deeply

2008-05-15T14:21:00.000-05:00

I took a walk today. I do so many days, briskly stepping, one foot in front of the other, letting the rhythm of the steps keep my thoughts light and easy. Sometimes I pray. In between rapid breaths I gasp the gratitude in my heart, or the hurt, or the randomness of my spirit. I cherish days like today when I can take Asher and Will and Frankie out in the cool breeze, listening as the babies sing to each other or to me or to God from the stroller, Frank prancing along head held high. There was just something about the beauty of today that left me with a sense of wonderment. I stopped under this expansive oak and looked up into its branches as little streams of sunlight swept down to the pavement like the spirit choosing to grace each inch wide expanse. I realized how completely small I am, I remembered that I am loved. For who I am and was and will be. I want the "will be" person to have grown and stretched and ached to be a better and more useful person, but in so many ways I am at the mercy of my experiences, and, in the end, the choices I will make through them. So today I write in dedication to the frailty and strength of life, hoping each of you that reads this will take a second to look up, finding the light beaming down upon you through the dark leaves of life, and, if even for a just a fraction of a moment, be glad.

Wa Wa Washington

2008-05-14T10:45:00.000-05:00

Asher and I had our first aerial adventure this past weekend, flying on four different planes to get to Washington and back. He's quite the little acrobat when it comes to seat assignment antics, meaning he wanted to be in every seat but ours. Even attempting to climb up and over the seat in front of us via the tray table at one point. I must say that flying alone with an infant served to restore a bit more of my faith in the state of the world. I was moved by the compassion and servitude of the people on each of my flights and in the airports. At one point I dropped something and literally 4 different business men rushed at once to hand it back. When I arrived at the Seattle airport I was struggling with my luggage when a tattooed, dyed hair, emo-ish fella (my kind of people) popped up with a luggage cart he had rented for me, loaded all of my things up and refused to let me reimburse him the cost of the cart. Simple things, but it all added up to a wonderful experience. However, if you are ever in need of a rental car, be sure it's not a Chevy Cobalt. They look nice, but have just a smidge more power than a battery powered Barbie Jeep.

High Chair Antics

2008-05-08T10:55:00.000-05:00

Here Asher recites the Gettysburg Address.

I thought he quoted the last line with true conviction.
---
You'll either find this extremely entertaining or utterly boring. Just about every little coo Asher makes puts me on Cloud 9 so...make of it what you may!

Botanic Festivities

2008-05-03T14:11:00.000-05:00

Asher spent some very welcomed time with his Aunt Liz and Uncle Joel this past weekend, leaving Uncle Joel with an itchin' for babies! But of course, who could blame him when his wife takes pictures like this:

Pay no attention to the height at which Asher wears his pants. He's got a baby Urkel. Ah, the manifest wisdom of popular 90s television. Where has the creativity of modern entertainment gone? Where are the character actors and depictions of "real life" family drama in comedic form? What ever happened to Uncle Joey, to "cut-it-out" a tune with hand motions and endearing voices? Oh, that's right, he dated Alanis Morisette and went to the stink hole like every other wholesome TV show we could ever have hoped would ever make a come back. We don't own a TV, I really don't plan to for a very long time. The TV has turned into a constant back flow of shame and vulgarity and smut, channeled right into the center of our very homes. All sit down and worship the idol centrally located in our living rooms. Media, you are winning.

Well, that said, here are some pictures of our family, all of which I feel make me look totally heinous since I only have "perfect" scrawny super models and celebrities to compare my frumpy, sleep-deprived, post-baby image to. Enjoy the beauty of Asher and his lack of self consciousness, and his oh so hunky da da.

Mmmm, all things are wonderful when chomped with budding gums...

women infants and children

2008-04-22T16:08:00.000-05:00

Well, after 6 months of failed attempts, today I finally got Asher and I approved for WIC. It's not particularly easy admitting that we need the help, but I know that's what is best for my family. In fact, I speak publicly about it here because it's good for my pride and my ego to just be real with the friends and family I hold so dear whom I know read this often (though they rarely comment ;). First we had too much money in the bank for Medicaid, then I got denied CHIPS because they said we didn't have enough money for it and that we would instead receive Medicaid. What a mess. We also have been denied food stamps twice, despite the fact that I make very little as a nanny in the grand scheme of things and that Corey, while we get large deposits from his school, is in reality bringing us increasingly larger negative "income." Why do I have to fight with the government about whether or not a school loan counts as wealth? Why am I so quick to get denied help for one short year when we plan to contribute to society in excess when Corey actually starts getting a pay check? It's all been very frustrating, but I know that God has a plan to prosper us if only my sinful heart can remain steadfast and patient. He is our Provider and he alone will see us through as he always has, abundantly so.

muggy Tuesday

2008-04-22T15:43:00.000-05:00

Asher and I spent a few hours with some of his lady friends at the Botanic Gardens in Fort Worth this afternoon. The rose garden was in full bloom, the ladies were looking lovely and the beauty and peace of the surroundings transcended all. Here are a few pics that our friend Christina took of our lazy little snoozers and eaters. Obviously my hair is in dire need of a little coloring. I've got roots like and oak, sheesh.

Franklin

2008-04-18T14:20:00.000-05:00

We shaved him. He's really quite stunning if I do say so myself. Pictures to come...

invasion

2008-04-14T08:32:00.001-05:00

Okay, so here's a blog worthy story...

A few days ago I was sitting tranquilly in Asher's room, just enjoying the peace of him in my arms in the rocking chair. Then a buzz. Again. "Where is that coming from?" Buzz. Buzzzzzz. Then out of the abyss of curtains and mini-blinds comes a WASP! Flying right at us!!! The primal instinct to protect my young came out by my wildly beating my left arm in the air to keep the flying vermin at safe distance all the while inching backward out of the room. I slammed the door and placed Asher (still sleeping by the way) gingerly down in the pack'n'play in our room and headed back to defeat the evil invader. Slowly creeking the door open, I spotted it on the light fixture. I dashed into the kitchen to get our multi-colored straw good luck broom (sorry Dad!) and took to beating the living day lights out the thing until it fell. Unfortunately it fell behind the changing table. I proceeded to try scooping it up with the broom, but like Christ it rose again!!! The resurrection of the living wasp! So another frantic swatting and batting session sent it sailing into the carpet where, with the help of Dr. Seuss, I duly smashed it into oblivion.
The end.
And no, for those of you having a panic attack wondering if we have a wasp nest outside, we do not. I checked. Twice. Its appearance in our home was a direct attack from Lucifer himself.

Videos!

2008-04-08T13:00:00.000-05:00

Another Jumping Moment by Asher Daniels.
(Pay no attention to the nasal obstruction behind the camera)

That Will is a funny guy...

Busy Bee

2008-04-08T12:33:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok, so I know it's been awhile. I'm watching 2 other boys right now, so I have my hands full. A typical day starts at 630A when Asher and I wake, I feed him and change his diaper and try to get in some cuddling. 730A drop offs begin. Will is 5 1/2 months old, Liam is 7 months. Some days I have Liam for just half the day, some days it's all day. Most days I'm able to retain my sanity by keeping them all on a similar schedule, so while they are up at the same time (and my hair duely falls out in tufts) they usually give me a break by napping at the same time too. When I'm really stressed I just leave the nanny biz up to Franklin...

Just joshin' ya. Yesterday was a remarkable test of Franklin's baby endurance however, I was proud of my pup. Liam is absolutely smitten for the fuzzy beast and Frank seems to return the sentiment. Frank was snuggling up next to Liam's leg yesterday, and I happened looked over just in time to see tiny fingers in a blonde fuzzy coat and YANK, next thing I know Liam has two fistfuls of mutt dog. I was honestly waiting for the bite and an ER trip, but instead Frank just got up and with a little lick to Liam's nose, got out of range. He's going to be Asher's best buddy, I just know it.

Speedy Days

2008-04-02T10:20:00.000-05:00

My FAV Boys

Well, Asher turns 5 months on April 6th, just a few days away. I can scarcely believe it's already been 5 months since he was squirming around in my tummy, what a crazy ride. This is a really fun time, he's smiling and laughing and just hamming it up all the time. He's found his toes and is learning how to hold onto them while rolling around all over the place. It's so amazing to watch him discover himself little by little everyday, it makes me excited for the years to come, I just hope that Corey and I can teach him to discover great things within him, that we can nurture him and love him in such a way as to create a confident, grace-filled, loving, patient person. We pray often to be the mom and dad that will bring out the best in him everyday. We will fall short. I hate knowing that, but it's the unfortunate truth of the accident of the human will. We can not be all that we hope for him, yet still we will fight to do the very best we can and trust God to do the rest. I have some great videos to post soon, if we can figure out how to do so with our new camcorder. It takes much better video than our camera, but I am not proficient yet with the downloading. Keep coming back, they'll be here soon!

Story

2008-03-27T12:52:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. About writing a story. People have told me for a long time that my gift is in writing, I have yet to fully believe the truth in it as I read so very many exceptional pieces by people with far more extended vocabulary than I. But aside from actually typing out the next best seller, I want to write a great story by the life that I live. I want it to be a page turner, I want my grandchildren to brag to their friends at school about the infinitesimal adventures of their grandparents. Truth be told though, I am too scared to live a life like that, too scared of the risks involved to write something great with my life. I heard recently that in a great story, the protagonist has ambition, and the goal of that ambition, if it is really good, involves risk. The best involve risking your life. I want this so badly, I don't want to leave this earth and have people say I lived a "good" (translate: boring) life, that I raised "good" (translate:lacking creativity) children. I want to be a pioneer of something, to introduce newness to people, or stand up for the underdog in a way that changes them and me and my family forever. The issue here is, I'm not sure what I'm passionate enough about to live out in this way. I'm not giving up on it, I'm going to pray and search and seek out what my something in life is...and I'm going to live it. I'm going to write the next great novel with the steps I take everyday.

A day of firsts!

2008-03-27T12:37:00.000-05:00

Today we had rice cereal. Asher was absolutely ecstatic to finally get to put stuff in his mouth in the same manner Mom and Dad and Franklin do. I love these little moments of newness, Asher reminds me every day not only to savor my time with him, but to see the wonderment in the everyday ordinary. I was never a windows and doors open person before, but since having him I can't stand to let all the marvelous sunshine go to waste on sidewalks and patios. I want to breathe in every bit of life and nature and the unique antiquity of the breeze and clouds and sky. Asher brings me smiles and sunshine and a new outlook on just about everything, the very nature of God is revealed every time he smiles.

Oh, and I have opened the comment posting for all to use, so please, if you read this, comment and let me know what you think!

remember

2008-03-24T10:10:00.000-05:00

I want to remember this. This sweet and beautiful time in life as Asher's mother, Corey's wife, all the new and wonderful moments I experience every single day. I want to remember what it feels like to be laying in bed with Asher gently breathing in the crook of my arm, his warm and grace filled father peaceful there next to us. How I just can't kiss the soft place on Asher's neck, just below his ear, nearly enough. It's these little bits of heaven that I covet every day. Things like what I saw even now, sitting here typing, looking over at Asher in his bouncy seat. How upon catching my eye he let out a coo and smile. That sweet, genuine, beautiful smile. I am just so certain, I could never do anything in life to deserve such greatness, it is a good gift, the very manifestation of the Eucharist of the Lord laid out just for me, just because it's what he knows my heart craves. The desire of the very depth of me.

pandemonium

2008-03-20T11:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I did something absurd. I went, to the zoo. Not just on any day mind you, I decided to go on half priced day....during spring break. It. Was. Ridiculous. A learning, however, in many many aspects. First, I learned that a 4mo can only stomach the stroller for a max of 2 hours before fits ensue. I learned that a 4mo could care less that we are even at the zoo. I learned that a lion roars WAY too loud for comfort. I learned that it is very, VERY important to teach your children to keep to the right when walking! I almost had a conniption in my frustration at the lackadaisical parents who seemed to find it vital to stop their stroller caravans in the absolute middle of the path, keeping all other zoo goers halted in a bumper to bumper stroller traffic jam. I learned that cotton candy can soothe a harried mother's inner anguish and help her keep her sanity. It was like manna from above that I had scheduled my first ever professional massage for just a few hours after my zoo nightmare, I'm fairly certain my shoulders were up to my earlobes, tense and exasperated by the end of the visit, whispering to my inner parts that an outing on a beautiful day is NOT supposed to make one feel as I did. In my frenzy I didn't even take a single picture (it would have been of Asher in the stroller anyway, he didn't exactly pose with the animals), so the experience will only remain etched in my mind as a day I'd rather not live again. The full ticket price on a random Tuesday would have been far far more worth it.

Learning

2008-03-15T21:56:00.000-05:00

I never knew that there was so very much that can go wrong in parenting, no wonder this world is brimming in abundance with hurting, empty, confused people. Corey and I are taking a 12 week parenting class called "Growing Kids God's Way" and I just attended my first GEMS meeting (Godly Encouragement for Moms) and I am just blown away by how much insight the Bible really has for developing the inner most parts of children. My deepest, most gut wrenching desire is for Asher not only to be a "good" person, but to shed a light in the darkness most others see. I want him to learn to make right choices not just when I'm around, but even when no one else is watching. It's daunting to think that I have been given this lofty responsibility, that together Corey and I are at the helm of a ship that will either forge through uncertain territory, or sink at the faintest hint of trouble; that Asher's ability to make wise decisions, to love allgenuinely, will rest predominantly on us. I don't want him to feel condemned to embrace only those around him who are like minded, the same color, with the same philosophies, as unfortunately can be the norm in Christian communities. I don't want him to feel the need to fight his fellow man because they oppose his beliefs, for God created ALL people, and he said that they are all good. My dream is that he will accept and relish in the enormous differences among the masses, that he, through an intense and unrelenting acceptance and love, would win many over for Christ. My thoughts linger on Deut. 6:6. That the commands given to us are to be upon our hearts, we are required to impress them upon our children not as forced mandates but because they are an intrinsic part of our daily living. That responsibility is huge, and I can't help but doubt my own nature, my own inability to live to the level of godliness and morality to which I am called. And yet, I remind myself, I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength.

More Health News

2008-03-12T14:40:00.000-05:00

Well. The medical community is frustrating the mess out of me. Let me indulge.

Tue, 3/4--I take Asher to the doc, she says he's just stuffy, it'll run it's course
Fri, 3/7--Asher starts coughing frequently so I take him back in. This time the doc diagnoses him with RSV. I officially begin to freak. We give him the nebi 3X a day, nothing changes. Mon, 3/11--Asher goes to a new clinic, I want a second opinion. I finally see a doc who runs numerous tests and actually takes time to look him over thoroughly. Asher DOES NOT have RSV!!!! He may have allergies, asthma or at the worst, cystic fibrosis. He is prescribed a steroid.

So now a week has gone by and we still have no answers but my faith is moving in the right direction. Asher is full of life and energy and fun and yes, still phlegm, but he is vital. I am certain that the Lord has his health in mind, Asher is worth more than many sparrows. Please continue to keep him in your prayers, thank you all for the love and support that you have brought as incense before the Lord.

deep thoughts...by Asher Daniels

2008-03-09T11:55:00.000-05:00

baby update

2008-03-09T10:51:00.000-05:00

Me and My Nebi

Several days into his illness and Asher remains unchanged. He is extremely congested, wheezy and eager for rest. We are doing thrice daily nebulizer treatments and trying to keep him full of fluids. My heart sinks to a depressing depth each time I have to put that tiny little oxygen mask over his sweet face. He looks up at me with such sweet, trusting eyes. I am at peace that God will heal him, but frustrated as I'm feeling that my prayers are going unheard or at least unanswered. I don't want to be a bratty Christian that just expects God to hand me the answers to all my prayers on a silver platter, but it hurts to cry out to Him day and night for your child and see no change. Still, I know his view of this situation is far more extensive than mine, that He does all things to mold, shape and refine us. (Rom 8:28)

creatures of light

2008-03-09T10:48:00.000-05:00

I just read a great post on Nate Killoren's blog, I often nanny for his 6mo Liam. Here's the link...http://www.ngkilloren.com/wp/?p=205. It's comforting to read that some one at the NY Times acknowledges the work done by people of faith, though we don't serve expecting glory.

emotional tides

2008-03-06T13:40:00.000-06:00

So my little man really is sick, and it's an ache in my heart. The doctor today diagnosed his raspy condition as a mild form of RSV, a virus common among infants born in the winter months. We came home after the visit and Asher just wanted to sleep and snuggle. We rested together with him on my chest moaning quietly in his discomfort, emotion building up like a tidal wave in my heart, ready to pummel away any remaining steadiness. My child being sick is like a broken part of me. I know this illness is common, due to run its course, that many women have experienced far worse conditions with their children, but it doesn't make it any less dramatic for me. I want to create a magic pipe to funnel out all the sickness from his chest, wave a wand of healing to suppress the wretched cough terrorizing his tiny esophagus. Alas, it's all futile. The best medicine I have for him and myself is prayer, petitions to the one who can heal all, even my troubled, worried maternity.

a hoarse is a hoarse of course, of course

2008-03-05T09:11:00.000-06:00

My poor little peanut is "sick." Here he is bundled to the max to ensure he doesn't have to endure any nap time drafties. I parenthesize the ailment because he hasn't changed his every day felicitous demeanor one bit, he has no fever, no accompanying symptoms, he just coughs. And coughs. AND COUGHS. He sounds like a 65 year old chain smoker. All else remains, though muffled. He still smiles and flails like crazy when anyone makes eye contact, babbles his sweet coos of recognition when Corey or I give him one on ones and is still crazy legs in his Johnny Jump Up. His little cough and breathy voice are just the saddest things I've had to endure with him yet, but he doesn't let this little crook in the road slow him down. In fact, he gives me deeper understanding into why Christ asks us to become as little children. How many of us, if stricken with a loss of voice, would constantly pine for the sympathy of others, pathetically displaying our sickness for all to see? But not Asher, he remains, he pushes on, loves fully and just sleeps a little extra hard. Would it not that we could all do the same...

On a brighter note, Corey has had a recent bout of encouragement from a doc at the Duke Neurosurgery program. He contacted a gentleman who happens to be a part of the sister church to ours there in Durham who all but performed summer saults to help this MS3 he's never met. Corey is eager to get his application to rotate there in the mail and for an opportunity to preview the program. All things said, Durham seems to be a beautiful city and a wonderful place to raise children, though it be miles away from any family and any familiarity. The one thing I know is that if God has us destined there, or anywhere, the path will clear itself, the briers of indecisiveness with wilt and we will be certain that we are in the very place we were meant all along.

Tornado Saturdays, Whirlwind Sundays

2008-03-03T08:30:00.000-06:00

The weekend is a whirlwind for the Daniels' family here in Fort Worth. Saturdays begin with work at Starbucks for mom (which is a task I thoroughly enjoy), and alone time for dad and baby (which he is beginning to enjoy and grow confident in). Usually I'm set to rush the short stint home to spend some emphatic time with my Medela and kiss my sweet husband hello. We undoubtedly have a date or a major list of errands to run and then the day disburses like pollen on the wind. Sundays are even more erratic than the prior, with breakfast, coffee and church filling up the day til 1pm. Then it's some much needed down time with our soulmate friends, the Roberts, with whom Corey, Asher and I are boundlessly in love. Then parenting class from 4-6, home by 7 (sometimes!), dinner, couch time, baths and showers for all, clean-up for the upcoming week and on a lucky day, bed by 1130. Busy busy life, but I love every minute of it, refusing not to savor the delicacies of love and friendship and learning; taking in daily the afternoon sky in it's faded work shirt blue. Asher grows daily more and more into a real boy with over the top energy and a knack for exclamatory speech when everyone else is required to be silent. I've found him now, on multiple occasions, letting me know he's ready to get up from slumber by flopping over onto his back and screaming a full throttle wail of discontent at his self-inflicted state. Yet as soon as I enter the room, the bellow turns to joy, and a smile, and all is suddenly very, very right with the world.

scared

2008-02-28T20:56:00.000-06:00

Today I had an experience that made me think that perhaps I don't want another baby any time soon. As many of you know, not only am I a new mommy, but I also nanny for a super sweet little man by the name of Will McGee. Now Asher and Will make it a point to take it easy on me, they rarely cry at the same time, they discuss how to take naps simultaneously so I can have a few minutes of me time. They are, in a word, fabulous. Today, however, I had a toddler. A wonderfully sweet, well mannered little man, but bursting with energy and MOVEMENT. So, with Asher on one hip and Will close by I spent two hours keeping Mr. Motion out of trouble. I can't possibly imagine maintaining my sanity with Asher as a toddler and his yet conceived sibling pining for, well, my boob. There was one moment when I'm pretty sure I lost a few strands of rapidly thinning locks. Asher woke from his nap screaming as if to call forth the milk brigade, Will, having just finished his afternoon snack, horked it up all over my couch AND filled his underpants with sludgey green goodness, also coating my jeans in the same pale shade of processed formula... all the while my toddler man was egging on my already ADHD terrier. When Corey got home we had a little couch time and then I booked it out of the house for a much needed stint in the cardio room of the gym. Oh blessed exercise, you are my refuge, despite the persistent muffin top I still have bursting forth over my jeans.

beauty

2008-02-27T09:25:00.000-06:00

Somewhere inside all of us is this aching for beauty, this desire to see, feel, experience, even create something gut wrenchingly beautiful. Some days I find myself searching it out in the ordinary, hoping to find a unique touch of it in the way the sun filters through the leaves on a tree or in catching some one commit an act of kindness, wanting nothing in return. Yet lately I've been choked by the beauty I get to see everyday, in Asher's soulful eyes. The way he looks at me, the gently whispered "goo" and "gee" when we're rocking together, even the full throttled yell he uses to let me know he's awake and hungry...these are every day extraordinary. I thank God daily that he has allowed me to be a part of something so perfect, and that these tiny fingers and toes and smiles and giggles are all entwined with who I am. I can't fathom anything more beautiful.

impending

2008-02-22T11:19:00.001-06:00

The day is fast approaching when we will find out where we will live out the next 7 years or so of our lives. Corey is an MS3 (3rd year medical student) who is currently rotating in various specialties, and around this time next year he will "match," determining where we will end up. This is really the first place I've lived where I have a handful of deep and personal friendships, I just can't fathom giving those up, but alas it is unavoidable. I love this town, the people I've grown to love, the jobs I've worked, it is disheartening to think of leaving, so I will push it to the back of my mind until the day is near.

simplicity

2008-02-22T09:09:00.000-06:00

There was a time in life when we were all overjoyed by the simple things...

2008-02-16T14:29:00.001-06:00

My little man is growing so fast. Soon he'll be plotting to take over the world.

grin and bear it...

2008-02-15T15:55:00.000-06:00

I'm new to this mommy gig. I'm new to this blog business, I suppose that's why they seem to go hand in hand at this point. As a nanny as well as a mommy I find myself relishing adult conversation, somehow these written words on the screen filled the void without the notion of trying to say all the right things when you're talking to an actual adult. Sometimes I am amazed that I'm actually considered an adult, my thought process really is pretty juvenile.

So today, sitting in a dimly lit room pushing a rocking chair with Asher nursing peacefully in my lap, I looked down to see his big blue eyes staring up at me, and then, a smile. In that one moment my heart landed somewhere outside of me. It's priceless moments like these that make all the spit up I clean out of my hair so, very, worth it.